Category: Books

Some Thoughts on Trauma and Thinking Patterns

I’m slowly making my way through Dr. Woodhouse’s You’re Not Broken (link)because there’s a lot to process. Reading a book like this can be overwhelming, and she points that out. Sometimes we need professional help to sort through all the thinking and trauma loops we’ve collected and included in our daily lives.

This morning’s reading was enlightening. Dr. Woodhouse lists some common traumatic thinking patterns, and I will share them here with you. If you recognize yourself in this list, it might be good to read this book/seek healing assistance/discuss these ideas with a professional:

  • Mind-reading (guessing, second guessing, guessing again what others are thinking)
  • Shoulds (I should be working harder)
  • Self-Sabotaging (what’s the point in trying, I might as well give up)
  • Destructive decision-making (I’m going to give up)
  • Worry and rumination (running over and over the same thing in your mind)
  • Black-and-white thinking (I’m right, you’re wrong — not being able to find a measured middle-ground)
  • Catastrophising (I’m definitely going to lose my job because I made that little mistake)

Now, I’m sharing these because it might be helpful to connect the patterns with your own thinking. It doesn’t stop there. This book has exercises to help you work through the patterns and release habits.

One particular tool that I intend to try soon (really, I do!) is to journal through some of the reactions, thoughts, and triggers that may be connecting with self destructive behaviour. Dr. Woodhouse writes that “[t]his tool is about observing your daily life, yourself, your reactions, physical sensations, feelings, thoughts and behaviour.”

It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it could be helpful as a starting point for those working through trauma and the after effects of trauma.

Let me repeat that. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be helpful.

And one thing I’m pretty sure about is that journaling in and of itself won’t be harmful. It may bring up some painful memories, though. It may be uncomfortable.

For me, though, lately the discomfort of working through trauma is less than the discomfort of being trapped in a trauma loop. A catch phrase that I’ve heard in 12 step groups is “stinkin’ thinkin'”. Stinkin thinkin is not a pretty place. It’s not a happy place. It might be comfortable, because it’s familiar. Suffering might be familiar, but that doesn’t mean we need to marinate in it.

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From You’re Not Broken, by Dr. Sarah Woodhouse

I’m reading Dr. Woodhouse’s book, You’re not Broken: Break Free from Trauma and Reclaim Your Life, which was recommended to me–I’m not sure from where, but it sounded like something I needed to read.

This morning a quote struck me as important to healing and so I will share it with you:

Many people who have trauma have low self esteem. We cannot afford to be around people who lower it further. We cannot afford to be around people who drag us back and pull us down. We need to find ways to build our confidence and sense of self. Taking part in relationships that reflect the future we want will help us do this.

– Dr. Sarah Woodhouse, You’re Not Broken

It might come across as ‘get rid of all your friends’ but actually, I think it is a good reminder of that old saying that you are the sum of your five closest friends. Are they what you want to become? Are they willing to change with you, if you’re working on your own well being?

Food for thought on this rainy Monday.

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Last Year’s Books

I’ve been meaning to write about the books I read in 2022. Here it is already half through 2023, so you can see I’m a little bit behind in my execution.

I track my books in Goodreads and I usually rate and review them. On a very rare occasion I might not post a review, but it is often because I may know the author. Or I just haven’t gotten around to it (like posting book reviews from last year!).

I read 103 books last year, when I was aiming for a “modest” 62. Of course, some of the books were small, but hey, a book is a book. Here’s a few of my discoveries last year.

I discovered James Patterson’s Book Shots. First, I’ve never really read James Patterson although of course I know who he is. The Book Shots were a perfect, engaging length. I don’t like extended stress, although my usual selection of books (mysteries, true crime, etc.) would lead you to believe otherwise.

I still enjoy murder mysteries set in the last century, often in England during WWII or earlier. If there’s a woman breaking the rules and investigating, I usually enjoy those. Strong willed women bucking society. Yes, that’s what I like to see. New to me authors were Ashley Weaver and Alison Montclair.

I also got caught up on a few Victoria Laurie books, and dived into Jayne Ann Krentz AKA Amanda Quick. Her psychic mystery/thriller books were fun. I note I am not reading a lot of them this year, as I think I figured out the formula after reading many of them last year.

Another fun foray was this interesting trend of Amish murder mysteries or Amish romances. I’m not sure why they are so popular, but they’re intriguing, perhaps, as there is the familiarity of other humans, but a completely different set of rules and expectations. Perhaps that is why they are so fun to read.

Escapism at its finest.

I’ve already read 44 books in 2023. Many of them are non-fiction rah-rah motivational books. Much needed, I suppose, as we recover from pandemic lockdowns.

I’ll be posting a few reviews as we move further into the year. Until then, happy reading!

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The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy

Have you had trouble achieving a long term goal? I have definitely dealt with setbacks in at least three of my longer term goals. I think it might come down to consistency. As in consistent actions adding up to long term results.

This book was first recommended to me in a group I attend related to mindset. The presenter discussed the idea of compound interest and related it to progress on our goals. She mentioned this book. I got myself a copy from the library.

I read my library copy fairly quickly — which is not typical when I am reading a non-fiction, self-help book. This may be an older book as far as some of the examples in it, but the concepts are timeless. I particularly appreciated the conversational style and the focus on small changes that add up to long term success and good health.

In fact, I liked the book so much I bought a few copies to read with my children.

Our weekly family book group is almost done with this book, and the lessons have been helpful. Even the 11 year old has learned a few things about consistent effort and how external things influence us.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

I gave it a five star rating for the plain writing, ease of use, and practical tips and to-dos.

Recommended if you need a dose of motivation with some very practical steps for how to apply the advice.

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Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke, MD

From GoodReads about Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence:

This book is about pleasure. It’s also about pain. Most important, it’s about how to find the delicate balance between the two, and why now more than ever finding balance is essential. We’re living in a time of unprecedented access to high-reward, high-dopamine stimuli: drugs, food, news, gambling, shopping, gaming, texting, sexting, Facebooking, Instagramming, YouTubing, tweeting… The increased numbers, variety, and potency is staggering. The smartphone is the modern-day hypodermic needle, delivering digital dopamine 24/7 for a wired generation. As such we’ve all become vulnerable to compulsive overconsumption.

How could anyone not want to read further?

What I liked most about this book was that it is accessible to the layperson and highly readable. If you like the super-sciency type book that goes on for days with hard-to-decipher examples, you may not like this book. It may be “too simple” for you.

I felt like it was a long conversation with someone who has expertise in the field, but who is a regular human being. (Dr. Lembke shows us her own weaknesses rather frequently in the book.) I found lots of interest in this book, and just enough science to back it up. I kept reading.

It even kept me away from obsessive social media scrolling…or maybe not? Note: this was a joke. But actually, it did make me rethink my online activities.

It was a good read. Recommended.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

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The Body Papers by Grace Talusan

Book Cover

An excerpt from the Goodreads description: Born in the Philippines, young Grace Talusan moves with her family to a New England suburb in the 1970s. At school, she confronts racism as one of the few kids with a brown face. At home, the confusion is worse: her grandfather’s nightly visits to her room leave her hurt and terrified, and she learns to build a protective wall of silence that maps onto the larger silence practiced by her Catholic Filipino family.

It’s rare that I read a memoir so quickly, and rare that I’m emotionally affected by the narrator’s life. The Body Papers by Grace Talusan hit both.

The pacing was brisk, the images vivid. Grace Talusan connects us with her story and what it was like to grow up in one of two Filipino families in a small town in Massachusetts. We travel back to the Philippines with Grace when she’s an adult and see the country through her eyes. This book was better and more vivid than any movie.

She also shares her childhood trauma with us in a way that is relatable and poignant.

Recommended. 5/5 stars.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

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